The Before & After
"Greased Slide" Transformation
...How to Turn a Forgettable Sales Email
into One That Converts
BEFORE: The Cringeworthy,
Delete-On-Sight Sales Email
Subject Line: "Introducing the Ultimate Outdoor Jacket – Buy Now!"
Dear [First Name],
If you're looking for the ultimate waterproof and windproof shell, look no further. Our new lightweight adventure jacket features Pertex Shield fabric, Diamond Fuse ripstop technology, and YKK AquaGuard zippers to keep you dry and comfortable in any weather.
This jacket is 5x more tear-resistant than the previous version and has an adjustable hood that fits over helmets. Plus, with elastic cuffs and a drawcord hem, you'll be protected against the elements at all times.
Order now and experience the superior performance of our latest outerwear innovation!
Click here to shop now.
[BUY NOW]
Best,[Your Name][Your Company]
What’s Wrong With This Email?
🚨 Subject Line: Bland and GenericThe subject line is purely descriptive and lacks intrigue. It gives no reason to open the email other than “Here’s a product.” People don’t get excited about “introducing” something unless it’s a Marvel movie.
🚨 No Hook, No Reason to Keep ReadingThe email starts with a dull, corporate-sounding line: “If you’re looking for the ultimate waterproof and windproof shell, look no further.” It assumes the reader is already interested instead of grabbing their attention with a relatable, compelling scenario.
🚨 Too Many Features, No BenefitsListing features like “Pertex Shield fabric” and “Diamond Fuse ripstop technology” doesn’t answer the most important customer question: Why should I care? Features are important, but they need to be framed in a way that connects with the reader’s needs and desires.
🚨 No Emotion, No StoryPeople don’t buy jackets because they love “YKK zippers.” They buy jackets because they want to stay dry, warm, and comfortable when the weather turns nasty. This email doesn’t help them imagine that experience—it’s just a list of specs.
🚨 CTA is Aggressive and Uninspired"BUY NOW" screams transactional instead of persuasive. It assumes the reader is ready to purchase, rather than guiding them to a natural next step like exploring the product or reading reviews.
AFTER: The "Greased Slide"
Persuasive Version
Subject Line: "The Jacket That Climbers Swear By (And Why)"
You’re 200 feet off the ground.
The sun was shining when you started. But now, the wind is howling through the cracks, and those bright blue skies?
Gone.
You reach into your pack and pull out your secret weapon: a jacket so light you forgot you packed it, yet built tough enough to block the wind and keep you moving.
This is the shell that climbers, hikers, and backcountry explorers won’t leave behind—because when the weather flips, they need gear that just works.
✔ 100% waterproof Pertex Shield fabric (because rain waits for no one).
✔ 5x more tear-resistant than before (so rocks don’t shred it).
✔ Packs into its own pocket and clips to your harness (so you always have it when you need it).
The best part?
You’ll barely notice it until you absolutely need it.
👉 See why climbers trust this jacket. Click here to check it out.
What’s Right About This Email?
🔥 Subject Line: Builds Curiosity and Social Proof“The Jacket That Climbers Swear By (And Why)” immediately sparks intrigue. Instead of a bland introduction, it suggests that experienced climbers already love this product, triggering curiosity and FOMO (fear of missing out).
🔥 Engaging Story That Puts the Reader in the SceneThe email starts with an immersive experience instead of a sales pitch: “You’re 200 feet off the ground.” The reader feels the situation before even thinking about the product. This makes the email engaging and personal.
🔥 Focuses on Benefits, Not Just FeaturesInstead of dry tech specs, each feature is tied to a real-world benefit: “because rain waits for no one” and “so rocks don’t shred it.” This makes the product feel essential, not just well-engineered.
🔥 Conversational, Easy-to-Read Flow (The "Greased Slide")Every sentence naturally leads to the next—there are no awkward stops, no dry corporate language. The email flows smoothly, making it easy to read and hard to stop.
🔥 The CTA Feels Like a Logical Next StepInstead of BUY NOW, the email offers a lower-friction CTA: “See why climbers trust this jacket.” This feels less aggressive while still guiding the reader toward action.
Key Takeaways for Writing Emails That Sell
1️⃣ Lead with a story, not a sales pitch. Hook the reader with a real-world scenario before mentioning the product.
2️⃣ Focus on benefits, not just features. Answer the question: Why should they care?
3️⃣ Use conversational, engaging language. Avoid robotic corporate speak.
4️⃣ Structure your email like a “Greased Slide.” Every sentence should smoothly lead to the next.
5️⃣ Make your CTA a natural next step. Instead of shouting “BUY NOW,” give the reader a reason to explore further.
Want Emails That Sell Without Sounding Salesy?
I help businesses craft story-driven, persuasive emails that don’t just land in inboxes—they turn readers into customers. If you’d rather let an expert handle this, let’s talk.